PCOS

I finally got the scan results on Wednesday. My doctor had to ring the hospital, who had to fax them over. The scan showed cysts that were 'indicative' of PCOS. And taken with the weight, acne, blood tests and amenorrhoea, that's the confirmation of the diagnosis. I start Metformin next friday. And I need to continue working on the weight loss.

I've been putting on a positive face for so long now, I think I am slightly numb to it all. I know that there is all probability that the Metformin will work and regulate my cycles and I will get pregnant. But also, PCOS can prevent me from getting pregnant. There is a chance that I will never get pregnant. That I will never get this 'thing' that I want so badly. That i will never fulfil my heart's desire. That's a hard thing to face at 22.

Everyone seems to be so positive for me and I really am trying. But deep down, I am bewildered, angry, confused and hurt. Most of all, I am hurting. If i can't get pregnant, I will feel like I have failed. A woman who cannot fulfil a woman's primary role. Oh, I know there is adoption, but that isn't an option for everyone. It's not successful for everyone.

The Metformin is supposed to show an improvement in 3 months. That brings us to Mid-September. Sometime between October and mid-November, my Husband is going to Afghanistan for 4 months. If I don't get pregnant, there will not be much time to try something else, like Clomid, before he goes away. Then that will be more waiting, waiting and doing nothing. It will take us beyond they 2 year point of me being off the pill. I NEVER thought it would be that long. And being so stressed and worried about this, and about Husband being in Afghanistan, will make it harder to get pregnant.

Anything to make this work. Anything.
lol. I even brought an Amethyst crystal (for regulating hormones) and a Rose Quartz crystal (for fertility) today. And a Rose Quartz bracelet. Who knows, maybe they will tap into something unknown in my psyche and do some good. Positive thinking brings positive results right? This is something to focus that positive thinking on, a physical reminder. If it only helps in that respect, they will have been a good purchase!