Life changing decisions. Part 2.

This comes out of what we decided. I haven't discussed it with Husband yet, it's more of a face to face thing.

It breaks my heart to admit this, but I think I will have to go back on the pill when he gets back from Afghanistan.

It would be so hard to make this change, and pay for a baby at the same time. I wouldn't be able to get a job if I was pregnant/wouldn't qualify for good enough maternity pay. Even if it's for 6-9 months, long enough for me to have been in a better paid job. So we know what we are doing, money wise.

I don't want to do this but sensible, practically, responsibly... I think we may have to. I am terrified that if I go on the pill again I will have to go through all this heartache again. But I cannot bear the thought of being pregnant, unemployed, and Husband not getting a good enough paid job. I am going to have to be strong enough to make my head rule my heart for once. but I don't know if I can.

I want to be telling all our friends and family we are expecting. I want to watch my growing bump, and feel that awe and joy at the scans. I want to be excited about meeting our baby, then proudly showing him off to the world. I want to be buying baby clothes, pushing a pram, enjoying those first smiles and words. I want to plan a big celebration for baby's first birthday. I want to be doing all this and more, and I don't want to have to wait another year, or 2 years, or maybe even more. But I think we are going to have to.