CD 33

Nothing to report. Not even considered doing a test, don't know if I can be bothered to be honest.

I'm really starting to worry about Husband being away now. It's pushing all the TTC malarkey to the back of my mind. I'm still as broody as ever, but right now it is not as important as Husband getting through Afghanistan safely and coming back to me in one piece, and me getting through those 4 months without completely going out of my mind.I'll be doing fine, then someone else will bring it up, and I'll start thinking about it all. Argh!

And we still don't know exactly when he is going to leave!! We, well I am planning for it being the 29th Nov, his original date. Hopefully we'll hear next week, because if he is leaving then, he has most of november booked off, apart from 2 days at a course thing up north, and a week on camp.

I hate not having things sorted. :-(

And, if I am not pregnant before he leaves- I'll work hard at losing weight and saving money while he's away. And getting the house organised proper places for everything, (especially paperwork!), and a good routine for housework. Then we can really go for it when he is back, and if there is nothing after 6 months, I'll demand a referral to the fertility clinic. I think that's probably the best way forward now.

CD20

So. Husband hasn't put his PVR in. The current financial situation increases the risk of us not being able to find jobs with a decent pay. So he's planning on putting it in when he gets back from Afghanistan. The plan is still there, just postponed! It makes sense, and will give us more time to save.

However, we now don't actually know when he's going away, or even when we should know. It could be at any point form his original date of 29th November until sometime in January. I have the week before his November date booked off work, which can be cancelled if need be. But if he goes in December, I will have to fight to get any time off. It is driving me up the wall, not knowing. Obviously it would be fantastic if he is here for his 25th and Christmas, but the longer it is until he leaves, the longer I have to wait for him to be home. IYGWIM.

So everything is completely up in the air again.

I can't...

I don't think I can do it. I can't go back on the pill.

A friend came into work with her 5 month old girl today. I was enjoying a cuddle when another colleague said "you'll have to get one of those Paula", "you really should have one".
It took every once of self control not to let the tears spill.

Why is it so fucking hard?