CD6

Yup, that's right. The last cycle was only 23 days, And then AF only lasted 3 days. WTF?? It was heavy and painful, and then it went. So 44 days, 40 days, 67 days, then 23 days. And because I was at my Mum's for Christmas and forgot, I haven't charted this month. Ah well. Will start again next time.

Christmas was ok. A little awkward at times, but I think that was just how I felt. Husband rang after dinner on Christmas Day, and then again yesterday when i got home, so that was good. And I had a fab evening with my in-laws on Boxing Day. My cousin decided against going in the end, which I was angry about because of the trouble Mum had gone to, but relieved for me. And I got some lovely presents, had yummy food and saw family. Yes I missed my Dad and Nanna, and wanted Bob every minute of the day, but it was good.

I took Geoff to the vet on tuesday. She doesn't know what the lump is, except that it doesn't seem to be attached to the muscle. They only way they can find out is by removal. This will cost £100, an extra £50 to have it sent to the lab to determine exactly what it is, then any antibiotics he may need are on top of this. I think that's quite a lot for a pet that only cost £6! And I would pay it, except rats often don't do so well under anaesthetic.
While he seems to be ok, and not bothered by it, I don't think I want to risk it. Especially with Husband away. Yet if it is better to so it while he is still 'ok'....... I really don't know.
I think I will ring some more veterinary surgeries, see what their prices are, and see how he is in 2 weeks.
He's also go to lose weight! I knew he was a chunky monkey, they all are really! They get the recommended amount of rat nuggets a day (and don't even always eat all that!), and don't get fed a lot of treats, but they are very lazy! So I have to cut all their food down a bit and see. He seems ok, it only bothers him a bit when he's trying to get comfortable laying down. He's happy enough I think, so that's the main thing.

Husband still intends on coming home for a few days in february. I can not wait!!

Gloom and worries.

I've had enough now, I want him home. Every thing's all wrong.

Geoff-rat has a lump under his chin. It's fairly hard, and maybe 1cm across? It moves a little if you touch it, not that he likes me doing that. I have to ring the vets at 08:30 tomorrow, but if they can't fit me in at about 16:00 on tuesday, I can't get there until after next weekend. He seems ok, but rats can go downhill so quickly. It appeared over night, between 02:00 when I said 'night' to them, and 08:00 when I came down this morning. I don't need this.

I am dreading Christmas. My last 2 were spent with Husband and his family; the 1 before that with just Husband; and the 2 before that split between my family and Husband's. I don't want to be with my family, horrible as that sounds. It will be my first time there at christmas since my parents split and my beloved Nanna died. Dad and Nanna are in all my christmas memories at Mum's.
My eldest cousin will also be there this year. It's a long story that I am not totally sure of, but in the summer she had her 4 boys taken in to care as she was an unfit mother. I didn't totally agree with how it was done, but it had been building up for a long time, and I believe it was for the best for the children. She drives me up the wall. I haven't seen her in about a year, but every time Mum tells me yet another thing she's done, I just want to shake her. She has no sense. Her mother dies just before I was born, so Mum has been a sort of stand-in for her. She spends a lot of time and energy on my cousin, more than she really should, considering everything else. She needs more time for herself.
My parents divorce. May turn messy. I really don't want to know, I love both my parents, but I hate how this is being handled. My youngest sister is getting more and more against Dad. To be expected I suppose, as she is only only one at home with Mum (middle sister is at uni, so only there in holidays).
My middle sister was diagnosed with MS not so long ago. Dad doesn't know. Seems he never asked after she had health trouble in the spring, though he's been in (sporadic) contact. And so my Grandparents don't know. When talking to Dad and them I feel like I am lying by omission and I hate it. After christmas I am going to tell my sister she needs to tell Dad. It's not like they have no contact, and he's never been an emotional, chatty sport of person. I'm worried he'll find out and get angry at Mum for not telling him.
Dad has health trouble of his own. He's always had kidney/urinary trouble and a recent ultra-sound showed one kidney to be distended. So on tuesday he is to have another scan. One he has to have a radioactive injection for. Yet another worry.
I want christmas over. I am going to my sister-law's on Boxing day, and it is usually good with all the family there. But Husband is usually in the midst of the fun, playing with the kids and being silly, so I am dreading that a bit too.

I miss Husband so much. I am so lonely in the evenings and every little worry or irriation is made worse because he is not here to moan to, or to laugh me out of it. I'm worried sick about him, aside from the war-zone fears, he is ill with a bad cough and cold, and working 11 hours a day monday to saturday, and 7 hours on a sunday. I never know when he's going to be able to ring. I need him so badly. He's hoping to be home for a few days in february as he has week of R and R. Do not let that get cancelled. I'm going out of my mind.

CD10 (just!)

So, AF arrived and lasted 5.5 days. About normal for me while I was on the pill (I can't really remember before that!).

I'm so broody. It hurts. It's christmas, it makes it all harder. I want to be planning our family christmas, buying 'baby's first' things, and making our family traditions. I can't dwell on it though. That way madness lies. I am determined that when we have little ones, christmas is going to be magical for them. Some children seem to grow up so quickly nowadays, it's sad.

Husband is ok. It's getting colder out there, although lately it's been 4-8 degrees warmer than it has been here! He's working lots, and I'm worried he'll be exhausted when he comes home. He's hoping for some R&R in february. I am crossing fingers, toes, arms and legs for this! Even if it is just 3 days, it will be in his words, better than nothing. I miss him so much, it's lonely here without him. I need my hubby, I need a hug from him. Much as I love my friends, girls just don't hug the way guys do.

It will be odd, for 4 months, I won't have that awful 2 week wait. Unless of course I think there's a good chance in feb, but I'll worry about that when the time comes. Hopefully this stress free time will be just what is needed.

I'll try and keep this more updated, There won't be much on the baby front, but hopefully it will be a good outlet for me.

CD3

Yup, after 67 days, AF arrived! With the worst pains ever. I was bent double, rocking myself and crying in pain monday morning. But they had mostly gone by 3pm. But I decided to start charting my temperature, try to get a good basis for moving things on next summer if we are not lucky before.

So, Husband is away now. I miss him like crazy and evening are awful on my own. I'll admit that I have cried a LOT. I am not someone who is good at living alone. I have spoken to hime a few times and thanks to modern technology, we should be able to keep in fairly good, regular contact. Part of me is glad we don't have children yet, doing this first, long seperation with young ones would have been twice as hard.
I knew I'd have trouble with this, but I really hope it gets a lots easier soon, becaus I am not doing well. I'm making excuses to not go to bed because I hate it all empty, then I don't wnat to get up in the morning because the house is empty. Work is rubbish at the moment. Or maybe it feels more rubbish because I am miserable. Bit of a circle really.

Please let this bit a better length cycle. Please, please, please!
But random tonight, but I am freezing, and need a drink.